by Chris Pyak
The tip of the cigarette butt glows red inside the cusp of the tiny hand that is holding it. Dried skin blocks the light from spreading into the early night.
The cigarette swings up in an ark and its owner takes a slow, long drag. The red lights grow bright. Then it pales and the cigarette moves to the right.
You see it trapped between two long, hairy fingers and as you follow the fingers to the top you see fingernails: Calloused and yellowed and sharp as daggers.
Nasty, hurtful.
Diseased? Possible.
But right now, the fingernails don’t scratch. The fingers just flip the cigarette and hand it over to the next guy.
The butt of the cigarette disappears between thin lips. Sharp, pointed teeth form a barrier through with the smoke gets sucked into the cavern of the next goblins mouth.
A calm voice echoes from four different earpieces:
“If you look to the left side of the screen, you see a narrow tool bar. Do you see it? Good. Look at the last item of the list, at the bottom. There is a dice symbol. Got it? Good. Now click on it.”
“Maybe five more minutes”, the first goblin thinks.
“The way how we decide this is by a drinking game. Are you up for it? comes the voice out of the earpiece.
“How did I end up here?” wonders the goblin: “I had so much hope when I came to this place. And now I am in this third-rate theater play? Stuck in an endless loop”.
“This is what scares most people from playing DnD. But don’t worry: I will make you feel comfortable”, the voice from the headset continues: “And the way how I make you feel comfortable….”
“Is this: I am going to lie to you”, all four goblins repeat in chorus.
“Find a new joke, Chris!” the goblin mutters under its breath.
He looks at his companions. His fellow artists. Stuck in a cheap play written with their own blood.
Over and over and over again.
“How did I end up here?” the goblin thinks again.
Some goblins got lucky. Had their “big break” in one of Chris’ other productions.
Ratbite got lucky. Got impressed by a player who did backflips as acrobatics check and joined the circus. Then he got cast for a guest appearance in a second campaign – as a murderous lawyer, representing both sides.
Droop was even luckier. Got a not-so-small permanent role and is now a minor star in a whole campaign.
“Lucky bastard”, the goblin says.
“Who?” his colleague asks.
“Droop”.
“Didn’t you hear? The wrote him out of the show. Got killed by some Hobgoblin. Players moved on, left him to die. He is devastated. Drinks even more now…”
“Still better than repeating the same scene over and over again”, the goblin thinks. He takes one last, long drag from the cigarette.
Over his earpiece they hear their cue:
“Roll for initiative!”
The goblin tosses the cigarette butt towards the dozens other who litter the ground below the leaves.
Then he raises his scimitar, looks at his colleagues, nods – and they storm out of the bush they were hiding. Screaming at the adventurers at the top of their lungs.
Twenty minutes later an unnamed soul comes along, drags their bloodied, burned and frozen corpses on a cart and drives them of towards resurrection.
Next game is in two hours…
***
I wrote this story yesterday on a whim. In late 2024 I started to host Dungeons & Dragons campaigns for players around the world.
Till the end of that year I had hosted over 100 games with about 70 different players.
(Many players join a full campaign after trying a “one-shot” adventure.)
My favorite first game for new players is “Gundren’s gold and glory”. A short 2-hour adventure which allows players to learn the rules while playing – and that gives them a satisfying win at the end.
I must have played that particular adventure about 40 times last year.
And you know what?
It’s every single time new and exciting.
Because the scenario is the same – but the players, their dice rolls and their decisions are different every. single. time.
And we laugh and have fun every time we play.
(The goblins might feel different, as you can see in my story above. But since they only exist in our imagination…)
It's a great hobby to express your creativity and experience strong emotions with interesting and kind people.
I am very lucky, because I seem to attract kind, funny and cooperative people to my games.
You should try it.
It will bring lots of joy into your life. 😊
If you like:
This is my profile, where you can find my available one-shots and campaigns.
And if you want to save 10 USD on your first game:
1. Sign up (for free) here – and then:
2. Visit my profile afterwards to book your first game.
Then you will soon hear me say:
“Roll for initiative!”
I wish you joy and a better 2025.
Chris